- Well here we are at the Beverley Triathlon, and it's starters' orders for the 3rd swimming wave..

THE SWIM (400M)

Now, Caroline Hodgson has made a great start.. No wait, she is actually stopping to ask if other people want to pass.,This is political correctness gone mad. In my day..

I must stop you there Dave - there has been an incident in lane 2. It appears that a male swimmer has been assaulted by a Hazel Winter doing her first ever triathlon. Apparently he was swimming too slowly..

T1

Hazel is way ahead of Caroline after the swim... I don't believe this - she has just made an obscene gesture to a waiting competitor from wave 5! All he did was to tell her to get a move on!

Tell you what Geoff - she is one scary lady. Her husband must have more guts than me..

Not unless she's ripped them out. Chortle.

THE CYCLE (20K)

A lot going on here. Hazel slipped much of her lead by forgetting how to get on a bicycle, and has now been overtaken by Caroline after 100 yards.  No wait! Hazel has now overtaken Caroline.

News just coming in. Hazel has fallen off her bicycle hurting her arm, and Caroline - wait for it- has now gone past Hazel..

Hang on - I don't believe this! Hazel has now overtaken Caroline!! Again!!!

THE RUN (5K)

Don't ask me Dave. Hazel was ahead of Caroline during the bike and they have just left T2 together. I just don't get this.. 

Hold on, no, Caroline is now pulling away from Hazel.

Not surprising really Dave, she is a member of Pickering Running Club..

It's all over. Caroline is romping away, no hang on, what's this? She has just been stopped by the level crossing barrier coming down! This is unbelievable!

Everything has just stopped! Caroline is now waving at a competitor from wave 5 waiting in the other direction..He is waving back..

Hold on - news in my headphones - the other competitor is Peter Winter - could he be related to Hazel?
Either way - he will meet her round the corner once that barrier's lifted.

THE RESULTS (approx)

Before the level crossing factor is calculated..

Hazel : 1hr 31 mins

Caroline: 1 hr 29 mins

Peter: 1hr 11 mins.

Official results etc expected on Monday.